Headline Press Headline Press covers news in the U.S. and around the world. Steve Hart blogs on daily headlines and news makers. http://www.headlinepress.com/rss/press.xml http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Wed, 10 Mar 2010 10:37:15 -0600 Tue, 26 Jan 2010 12:29:53 -0600 FeedForAll v2.0 (2.0.2.9) http://www.feedforall.com Right Cartoons Memo to Right-Wing Nut Jobs: you really need to calm down a little.

Seriously, we all appreciate good debate on issues of great concern. But, really, guys & gals of the knuckle-dragging variety, you really need to install mirrors. You're starting to look and sound…well…let's face it…like cartoons; like parodies of yourselves.

You're really starting to look Homer-ish. DOH!


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]]> http://www.headlinepress.com/blog.html B1A85A86-E0B7-476B-8782-81DE88F1582A Wed, 10 Mar 2010 10:37:15 -0600 It's About Time Kathryn Bigelow's next film:

“How I Kicked My Ex-Husband's Ass and His Huge-Budget 3-D Space Fantasy Movie With A Low-Budget War Movie.”

Or…something like that.

James Cameron spent the rest of the night in the hurt locker while sending his Avatar around to all the Oscar parties.


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]]> http://www.headlinepress.com/blog.html B1A85A86-E0B7-476B-8782-81DE88F1582A Mon, 8 Mar 2010 09:37:15 -0600 Taking Aim “I'd love to meet you at Starbucks…but I'm out of ammo.”

Or…

“I'll take a venti triple mocha latte with two extra shots…one in the cup and one at your head.”

That's right. If you haven't heard by now, you need to know the pin-head knuckle draggers who insist on carrying guns in their pants because they fear they have little else to carry in their pants are pulling the trigger on sanity around the country by staging gun-toting gatherings at Starbucks.


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]]> http://www.headlinepress.com/blog.html B1A85A86-E0B7-476B-8782-81DE88F1582A Fri, 5 Mar 2010 09:05:15 -0600 Politics as Usual Okay, so here's the deal: Democrats in Congress will let Charlie Rangel remain chair of the House Ways & Means Committee if he will agree to take Kentucky Senator Jim Bunning out behind the Capitol and kick his ass.

Okay, not really. That would be unseemly. Caning is the preferred method of corporal punishment in the Congress.

But before the day is out, Rangel will be but a humble House member – sorta - and Jim Bunning will still be a Senator with a Hall of Fame ego and…oh yea…crazier ‘n bat guano.


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]]> http://www.headlinepress.com/blog.html B1A85A86-E0B7-476B-8782-81DE88F1582A Wed, 3 Mar 2010 10:36:15 -0600 Just Do It Surprise!

Republicans agree to health care reform!

Ha-ha-ha…Wait, no they didn't.

Despite repeated attempts Thursday to come together, sitting around a square hollow table, over 30 of our nation's most distinguished square hollow legislators continued to fuss and fight.


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]]> http://www.headlinepress.com/blog.html B1A85A86-E0B7-476B-8782-81DE88F1582A Fri, 26 Feb 2010 12:04:15 -0600 TV Summit Oh Boy! It's almost here! Can't wait!

The Legend-Before-Its-Time Summit on Health-Care-Reform-Arguing will take up six hours of time Thursday on the TeeVee Box.

The Winter Olympics will be suspended. Wall Street will shut down. Trains and airlines will grind to a halt. And Republicans will put cotton in their ears, stomp their feet and act like petulant children being dragged to the principal's office.

Okay. None of that is true – except the last part.


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]]> http://www.headlinepress.com/blog.html B1A85A86-E0B7-476B-8782-81DE88F1582A Wed, 24 Feb 2010 09:32:15 -0600 Team USA BREAKING NEWS: USA defeats Canada, 5-3, in Olympic hockey on Canadian soil!

Canada said to be amassing troops at the border…somewhere along the border…if we can find them…to invade in retaliation!

Okay, not really. But this does not bode well for US-Canadian relations. Making matters worse is the fact the USA is leading in the Canadian Olympics medal count.


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]]> http://www.headlinepress.com/blog.html B1A85A86-E0B7-476B-8782-81DE88F1582A Mon, 22 Feb 2010 10:11:15 -0600 Break Time “Politics hates a vacuum,” once wrote Naomi Klein. “If it isn't filled with hope, someone will fill it with fear.”

So, with that in mind and the Congress home on winter break, the annual pep-rally for destroying what's left of this great republic, CPAC, came to Washington to cheer and jeer and generally make a nuisance of themselves.

CPAC stands for Convention of Platitudes And Cranks, or something like that, and the first couple of days are real barn burners – unless, of course, someone can find an airplane to fly into a federal building somewhere.


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]]> http://www.headlinepress.com/blog.html B1A85A86-E0B7-476B-8782-81DE88F1582A Fri, 19 Feb 2010 10:19:35 -0600 Leavin' the Club Sung to the tune of Don McLean's, “American Pie”…

“So bye-bye, Mr. Evan Bayh
Daddy drove me to the Congress
But the Congress was dry”

“And good ol' boys are watching ‘Murkin's die
Sayin', this'll be the day I say bye…
This'll be the day I say bye.”

Or, to paraphrase Jimmy Buffett:

“My head hurts, my feet stink,
And I don't love Congress.”

“Oh my Lordy, it's just that kinda mornin',
Really was that kind of night.”


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]]> http://www.headlinepress.com/blog.html B1A85A86-E0B7-476B-8782-81DE88F1582A Wed, 16 Feb 2010 09:59:35 -0600 Presidents Day Whack-a-Dick-Mole Cheney popped up again Sunday on the Tee Vee Box.

Hey Dick! It's Presidents' Day weekend, not Veep Day! We don't need you disrupting our Presidents' Day commercials for mattress sales!

Yes, friends, that disturbance in the force we all felt yesterday was not a Canadian actually winning a gold medal at the Snowlympics but, rather, the US of A's big Dick Cheney inflicting his face again on the national horror.


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]]> http://www.headlinepress.com/blog.html B1A85A86-E0B7-476B-8782-81DE88F1582A Mon, 15 Feb 2010 10:46:35 -0600 Weather Event Writing in what was once the U.S. News & World Report, yet another RW puppet proclaims Congressional Republicans are refusing to be “led around by the nose” by President Obama.

Ha-ha…this is very funny because:

A.) They are led around simply by the “no(s)”; or

B.) They are too far up the butt of Douche Limpbranch and Gin BecksBeer to find their probosci; or

C.) They would refuse to smell the need for reform if it came up and smacked them on the south end of a north-bound elephant.


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]]> http://www.headlinepress.com/blog.html B1A85A86-E0B7-476B-8782-81DE88F1582A Fri, 12 Feb 2010 10:46:21 -0600 Party On Laisse le bon temps rouler!

It was that kind of night in the magical land known as Nawlins. It's gonna be that kind of day…and night…and the next day…and on through Mardi Gras.

Not that the good people of Nawlins ever needed a reason, really, to party but it IS Mardi Gras season and, well, I understand the city's beloved professional football team actually won a game last night!


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]]> http://www.headlinepress.com/blog.html 508CA738-9F63-48DA-9F3F-999BF162AD56 Mon, 8 Feb 2010 10:28:03 -0600 Super Weekend "Who Dat talkin' 'bout makin' us pay? Who Dat? Who Dat?"

Yep, unless you live under a rock at the bottom of the Mariana Trench you know it's time for Super Bowl XLIVPDQRLSDSEXINBVDS.

This means there will be approximately 94 straight hours of airtime on the TeeVee Box (and ad sales) surrounding nearly 4 hours of actual football between the NFC Champs, the Nawlins Who-Dats and the AFC Champs, the Indianapolis Peyton Mannings.

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]]> http://www.headlinepress.com/blog.html A961B78D-84ED-488B-9A3C-630917395AB4 Fri, 5 Feb 2010 09:04:41 -0600 Results are In and Stupid Wins The man in the clown suit spun doughnuts in the center of the street, hoped out of his little, brightly painted car and ran to the sidewalk.

“YES,” he declared. “I believe Barack Obama is a socialist. I believe he is not a citizen. I believe he should be impeached and I believe Sarah Palin is more qualified to be president than Barack Obama!”

The clown was not part of a Shriner's parade. Nope, he was just warming up for the Teabaggers' convention this weekend in Nashville.

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]]> http://www.headlinepress.com/blog.html 1157EDD0-93A1-497E-A98D-39F467D6345C Wed, 3 Feb 2010 11:48:10 -0600 Bi-Partisanship in Washington? Okay, so this great attempt – one more time - at bi-partisanship in Washington which began Friday will end today.

The President will release today his budget for 2011, a hefty little $3.8 trillion document with a running deficit of $1.3 trillion.

What fun!

After crashing the Congressional GOP retreat on Friday and asking them politely – sorta – to cut it out and try to be reasonable for a change and all the Republicans then mobbing the President to get his autograph – because he's a rock star – look for them today to lash out at the budget proposals as a Bolshevik plot!


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]]> http://www.headlinepress.com/blog.html B1847249-4FCF-4154-82C5-23FB11A996DD Mon, 1 Feb 2010 10:37:13 -0600 T.G.I.F. <p>So here comes the new U.S. Senator from Massachusetts, Downtown Scotty Brown-All-Around, the naked pin-up salon, says his fondest wish now in his new-found celebrity is to go cycling with Lance Armstrong.</p> <p>“I would love to go on a bike ride with Lance Armstrong, just for those few hours, just like to say hi, just to like hug him,” Brown told the New York Times. </p> <p>Brown, who will put his naked butt in the same seat occupied by Ted Kennedy in the world's most exclusive club, is also a triathlete and all cyclists and triathletes want to go bike riding with Lance. Sure, who wouldn't? </p> <p><a href="/blog.html">Read On ..</a></p> http://www.headlinepress.com/blog.html 0C7C45D6-B605-48C7-BA99-68AC514EC13E Fri, 29 Jan 2010 15:41:25 -0600 Get Over It The State of Union Address we WISH we would hear tonight:

“Madam Speaker, Vice-President Biden, Members of Congress, Distinguished Guests, fellow citizens:

“My name is Barack Hussein Obama and I am President of the United States. Get over it!

“And let me say, first, if any y'all want to holler back at me during this speech, you go right ahead ...show your ass because I'll come down there and loft it from beyond the three-point arc and leave your butt hangin' in the net. Got that?

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]]> http://www.headlinepress.com/blog.html 231089D0-B3A1-4BD0-8985-E73713EBF592 Wed, 27 Jan 2010 09:10:41 -0600 Who Dat So, it's gonna be the Peyton Colts vs. the WhoDat Nation in the Super Bowl…probably as it should be.

It was good to see the Colts' Pierre Garcon raise the flag of Haiti at the AFC Championship trophy presentation, so we don't forget amid the tailgate celebrations. (Give: www.hopeforhaiti.com)

And it's a good thing the Super Bowl is in Miami…'cause we're not sure any other city could handle the WhoDat Nation!! Ha!

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]]> http://www.headlinepress.com/blog.html E77E2428-A8AA-4295-A933-8B9F64ECDB32 Mon, 25 Jan 2010 21:22:02 -0600