The 33 miners trapped beneath the harsh Atacama Desert in Chile have captured the world’s attention –and pathos.

Marvel as we might at the apparently miracle that saved their lives and the miracle unfolding daily as they settle in and wait for rescue – which may be three to four months away – we cannot begin to fathom how the human condition can bolster the will and nerve to survive such an ordeal.

But we are pampered North American softies, for the most part. We have no idea.

But Ariel Dorfman understands well what’s taking place above and below that imploded mountain.

Dorfman is one of the world’s greatest living men of letters. Described as an “Argentinean-Chilean-American novelist, playwright, essayist, academic & human rights activist, Dorfman lives and works these days at Duke University where he is professor of literature and Latin American studies.

In an essay published last week online by CNN, Dorfman says the world needs to learn what the Chilean miners have known since birth: survival depends on community organization.

“People around the world have been amazed at how the 33 miners have organized themselves in shifts, generated a hierarchy of command and crafted a plan for survival drawing from all the skills they have accumulated through their working lives,” Dorfman wrote.

“I am not in the least surprised.

“This has always been how Chilean workers have endured and persisted in the face of tremendous challenges. It is the legacy of those who extracted nitrate and who, at about the time that (Baldomero) Lillo was writing about the torments of miners (in the early 20 th Century), were establishing the first trade unions, reading groups and newspapers of the Chilean working class.

“Those lessons of unity, fortitude and orderliness were handed down from father to son to grandson. It was what each male needed to know in order to outlive the disasters that could befall him in a merciless environment.

“Of course, it was luck that initially saved those 33 miners that recent day in August when the mountain collapsed. But it was not luck that kept them alive.

“Inside them was the training and stamina inherited from forefathers who had lived to tell the tale, murmurs from those who were not willing to die over and over again in the darkness,” he wrote.

Following up on his essay, Dorfman expanded on the theme in an interview earlier this week with NPR’s Neil Conan on his show, “Talk of the Nation.”

“There's a hierarchy down there (in the mine),” Dorfman said.

“People around the world are surprised. They were astonished at the wonder of the fact that you have all these workers who are down there for months. They've organized. They have shifts. They take care of the one who is oldest. I mean, they know how to take care of their own. And when you think about that, there is a model for society in the way in which they act which should be a model for all of Latin America; and in fact, could be a model for our sad republic itself - in the sense of one, where when things go wrong, we're all on the boat together. We're all down in the mine together, in some sense.

“If we could only understand that those emergencies that are happening right now …where a lot of people are suffering. And if we could understand they're suffering with us, that they're our brothers and sisters who are suffering, and that we're all down in that metaphorical mine together, then maybe we can all come out together into the sun. But we have to organize, as well, and care for one another in the way in which those miners are caring.

“And that's the story - I think that's the hidden story and the beautiful story of Chile, which is related to its mining experience. The mines made the workers organize, discover one another, educate one another, care for one another, care for their families in such ways that this is an ethos that has moved down from generation to generation. And they're down in the mines, and they're teaching us all a lesson.”

Congress returns to work this week.

We survive another 9/11 weekend, albeit with few book burnings and more than a few lackluster Tea Party rallies across ‘Murka.

Kanye West brings down the house at the MTV Video Music Awards with his latest hit, “Runaway,” and homage to feminine hygiene, “A toast to the douchebags.”

All this a coincidence?

Perhaps but how can we be sure? After all, freedom’s just another word for nothin’ left to lose.

Fresh from fabulous vacations, er…fact-finding trips, and re-acquainting themselves with the good people back home, the Congress People will set their sights on tax cuts and small business stimulus…not necessarily in that order.

One big showdown will come over President Obama’s desire to end the Bush tax cuts for the wealthy.

But, no, Republicans will spend their week defending the helpless rich people against these Cretin Socialist Kenyan Zoroastrians who think, for some unknown reason, the rich should pay their fair share in taxes.

While portraying a talking head Sunday on the TeeVee Box, the Orange One, the GOP minority leader in the House, the Honorable John Boehner of Ohio’s most tanned congressional district, said he might even go along with extending tax cuts for poor working chumps like you and me…but…only if the rich get to keep their Bush tax cuts.

Yea, yea…I know. It’s really had to imagine anyone defending tax breaks for the extremely wealthy but that’s the bed in which Congressional Republicans find themselves lying because even though the very rich only account for 20 percent of the population they hold 85 percent of the nation’s wealth and that’s where Republicans get most of their campaign contributions.

It’s a good strategy because the rest of us have no money left to make political contributions.

The Democrats completely missed the mark with that, siding with the poor and barely-surviving working class…what’s left of it.

If the Republicans know anything they know money and where to find it and they do a dang fine job makin’ sure the castles are protected from the tired, the poor, the huddled masses yearning to breathe free.

A toast to the douchebags.

It’s a big day on the calendar…Jews are celebrating Rosh Hashanah, the new year and reaffirmation of God as king; Muslims are celebrating Eid Al-Fitr, the end of Ramadan and they can eat again in the daylight.

Floridians are celebrating the statistical peak of Hurricane Season.

James W. Hart, currently also known as Chief Junaluska, is celebrating 82 great years.

Saturday is September 11th and Americans will accumulate in large gatherings all over this great land to observe two groups of very large young men intentionally run into each other, knock each other down and attempt in the midst of this mayhem to get that punkin from one end of the cow pasture to th’other without either getting’ knocked down…or steppin’ in somethin’. (Yea, that’s right…Andy Griffith!)

The good news is the large crowd expected to gather in Gainesville, Florida will be there to watch two moderately successful groups of those large young men intentionally run into each other…

…and not to watch a book burnin’. This is progress.

After great deliberation and prayer – and the attention of the whole world – Alleged Pastor Terry Jones, the poor man’s Hulk Hogan, decided not to burn copies of the Qur’an on Saturday…maybe…um, not sure.

God spoke to the Alleged Pastor and told him to STFU. And, then, pulled the plug on his website.

No, seriously, Jones announced Thursday afternoon he’d met with Muslims leaders from Florida and decided to call off the Qur’an burning because New York Muslims leaders told him they’d move Cordoba House community center to Paramus, New Jersey.

After hearing the news, the New York Muslims leaders said…What? We didn’t tell that jackass any such thing.

It was only then Alleged Pastor Jones admitted he merely postponed the book burnin’ and only because Angelina Jolie threatened to grow a moustache just like his if he went along with it.

Meanwhile, the world’s press corps search frantically for some other story to cover and the rest of the world’s right-wing nut jobs tried desperately to get the attention focused back on them.

(You and I both know Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck are really pissed this lame Hulk Hogan wanna be stole their limelight as the craziest whack jobs out there.)

So, press corps, here’s a story to cover: A federal judge in California said its perfectly okay for gay folks to carry guns in the U.S. Military: lookin’ for a few good men to do more in the morning before most people get up.

Congratulations, Pastor Terry Jones of the Dove World Outreach Alleged Church of Gainesville, Florida!!

You’ve attracted and attention of the entire world!

Now, what’re you gonna do?

“I’m going to Dizzyland!!

“I’d go to crazytown…but, heck, I’m already there!!”

Yep, that’s right. This jacklegged, Hulk Hogan-mustachioed, hooligan for Jesus has the whole world in an uproar and managed to attract the attention of everyone from concerned Muslims in Indonesia to General Patreaus to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton to the Attorney General of the United States, Ron Holder.

And the universal message back to Pastor Terry and his book burnin’ bonanza?

And I think I speak for everyone…Shut up and quit bein’ a jackass.

Don’t know if you even realize this or not, Alleged Pastor Terry, but you don’t really speak for Jesus ‘cause Jesus ain’t got nuthin’ to do with hatin’ on other folks. He ain’t got nuthin’ to do with burnin’ scriptures and the only folks he even remotely suggested could be evil…are the hypocrites.

Looked in the mirror lately? (Probably not, ‘cause if you did you’d realize that goat-faced moustache thing needs to go back to the 80s where it belongs.)

But on the other hand, you’re just the kind of pastor needed by a 50-member cackle of rads.

We all know part of your tax-exempt status has been eliminated and the bank is getting ready to foreclose on your property. Maybe this fiasco will raise enough money to keep you in operation for a few more hate-filled months. Or wait, here’s an idea…maybe you can run an “adopt a U.S. soldier” campaign to go along with all the good you’re doin’ ‘em by burning the Qur’an.

So, okay…okay. You’ve had your 15 minutes of fame…more, actually, than you deserve. Now, just go away and quit embarrassing the rest of us.

Even Iran has called off the stoning of a woman accused of adultery after the world expressed its outrage. Hey, if Ahmed Dinnerjacket can back down, why can’t you?

Finally, a note to the good people of Gainesville, Florida:

We know this has been tough on you. Gainesville is actually a nice little city filled with smart progressive people, despite bein’ home to a middlin’ university with an average athletic program. We know you get swamped on fall weekends by cracker cowboys drivin’ their pickups into town to watch football and that’s cross enough to bear.

And we know you’ve tried to pull together to tell this jackass alleged preacher to go away and take his hate somewhere else.

“If any man tells you he loves America yet hates Labor, he is a liar.” – Abraham Lincoln.

And, yes, and it appears to be a great week for hate and book-burning.

There’s the rinky-dink, 50-member alleged church in Gainesville, Florida which will commemorate 9/11 on Saturday by building a bonfire of Qu’rans and, as it turns out, copies of the Talmud, too.

There’s also another crazy Florida preacher, doing his best impression of Elmer Gantry, who wants to counter the Cordoba Community Center in New York with his own fundamentalist Christian Center.

Seriously, can anybody take this guy seriously?

Together with the prospects of returning control of the United States Congress to the GOP in November, perhaps it’s best to review the 32 rules of the United States of Zombieland as expressed by Columbus, our intrepid tour guide through a particularly rough patch of American History.

• Cardio.
• Double tap…or, in a deleted scene: Ziploc bags.
• Beware of bathrooms.
• Wear seatbelts.
• Cast iron skillet.
• Travel light.
• Get a kickass partner.
• Bounty paper towels.
• Bowling ball.
• Don’t be a hero.
• Limber up.
• Avoid strip clubs.
• When in doubt, know your way out.
• The buddy system.
• Check the back seat.
• Enjoy the little things.
• Swiss Army Knife.

Yea, we know there aren’t actually 32 rules but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t know them.

Not sayin’ we’ll need them. Just sayin’

The good news is Hurricane Earl is running out of juice and it stayed offshore enough for North Carolina’s Outer Banks to dodge a bullet that could have been much worse.

The bad news is Earl remains a hurricane and will make for a crappy day along much of the Northeast and a nasty night for Cape Cod.

The good news is Earl will be centered over Nova Scotia by Saturday afternoon. The bad news it will still retain the strength of a hurricane, if barely.

The good news is Fiona is fizzling far out in the Atlantic and Gaston has virtually disappeared, which will remain good news as long as Gaston doesn’t cook back up…as some hurricane models suggest.

Additional good news is that Thursday night marked the official opening of the 2010 College Tackle Football Season and on Saturday we’ll see all the major college tackle football teams play their pre-season games against small schools they will crush but compensate with big paychecks.

The bad news is Labor Day marks the official beginning of the 2010 Off-Year Campaign Season during which we’ll see enough hot air to power a thousand hurricanes while common sense and logic get crushed and we – the ‘Murkin People – will get compensated with small paychecks.

Seriously? Really?

We – the ‘Murkin People – hate the Democrats by a whopping 66 percent? (NBC-Wall Street Journal poll.)

But hate the Republicans more, by an even more whopping 76 percent?

And, yet, w – the ‘Murkin’ People – are willing to return the Republicans to power?

Really?

For reals?

Yup. While two out of three ‘Murkins say they don’t like the Democrats, three out of four ‘Murkins say they like the Republicans less.

But in a generic Gallup Poll (remember.. Gallup is Latin for “let’s see how we can make the Republicans look good with our polling data), ‘Murkins likely to vote in November say they want to vote for Republicans over Democrats by 10 percent.

Fifty-one percent of those likely ‘Murkin voters told Gallup they would vote for a generic Republican over a generic Democrat while only 41 percent said they would vote for a generic Democrat over a generic Republican.

The bad news is the political pharmacy is fresh out of generics and we have to go with the real thing.

Maybe we should take a time out from our “mad as hell and won’t take it anymore” moment to remember how good things really were when the Republicans were kicked out of office in 2006 and 2008 because they’d made such a mess of the country.

The good news is I think the ‘Murkin people are smarter than to ask the old boyfriend to take us to the football game because we really, really liked the way he treated us so badly.

Yea! Mission Accomplished!! Hip-Hooray!!

It’s VI Day!! Victory in Iraq Day!! Somebody grab me a nurse to kiss in Times Square!!

What?

Oh? We did that back in 2003?

Hmmm…okay. Well, at least Iraq is now a stable, pluralistic, democratic society where everyone is progressing and feeling good about themselves.

Mission Accomplished: Halliburton, ExxonMobil, BP & Royal Dutch Shell now control nearly all of Iraq’s oil!

So, you see, Cheney and Rumsfeld knew exactly what they were doing. So what if it cost nearly 100,000 Iraqi lives; 5,000 American lives; another 50,000 injured Americans and $1 Trillion?

It’s the cost of doin’ bidness.

***

Okay, you rednecks, hillbillies & trailer trash. See what you’ve done?

You’ve gone and made the Muslims produce a video to reassure us all they’re not scary boogy-people bent on the destruction of this very land they call home.

They wouldn’t of had to do this except y’all forced ‘em to because of your stompin’ around, acted stupid, sayin’ stupid things and tellin’ everybody Muslims are scary boogy-people bent on the destruction of this very land they call home.

You can see the video here: MyFaithMyVoice.com

Why don’t you pick on the Episcopalians or the Catholics, for Heaven’s sake? And, hey, why not the Buddhists? You KNOW they’re not gonna fight back.

But a group of Muslims felt the need to produce a very nice, very simply stated little video to say, among other things: “I do not want to take over this country.”

Not even the Catholics had to say THAT! (Well, okay, maybe JFK had to call a press conference to say the Pope would not be Secretary of State in his administration.)

The video even includes a Spanish-speaking Muslim!

That’ll make the rednecks’ heads explode!!

Y’all need to understand something: when the world says it hates ‘Murka, it’s not our freedom they hate. Not really. It’s not our wealth (or the wealth, at least, of the top 1 percent of ‘Murkins). It’s not our conspicuously consumptive way of life, although part of it might be the new Corvette.

No. What the world really hates about ‘Murka is our dumbasses.

We really need to get this out in the open, talk about the elephant in the room and admit it. It’s our dumbasses the world hates most.

We know this because the World ‘Murka Hate Index (the WMHI) was highest when we had as our Dumbass-in-Chief that barely literate guy from Texas. Once we elected an adult as President the WMHI started dropping immediately.

Now that we’re talking obesity as a national epidemic, which is related to our dumbass problem, perhaps we should engage in a national effort to drastically reduce our dumbass epidemic as well.

We can begin by turning off stupid talk radio wingnuts and watching only American Idol on the Fox Networks.

Or we can wait for redneck heads to explode when they see a Spanish-speaking Muslim.