For the first time in 15 years a man has been gored during Pamplona's famed running of the bulls, the G-8 are not so bullish to correct the globe's warming and back in the states the stampede of elephants off a cliff continues with amazing alacrity.

That's right, sports fans, what was described as a rogue bull gored to death a still unidentified man in Pamplona as the herd charged through the streets earlier today in the annual festival. Papa would be proud. But, in all honesty, how can you tell one rogue bull charging through the streets from any other?

Meanwhile, over on the coast, French bicycle racing officials are being gored by the fact that Lance Armstrong is actually tied for the lead after Stage 6 in the Tour de France. Tour officials hate Armstrong because, well, he's that good and he's back and, sacre cour, we thought we'd seen the last of that guy.

Across the Mediterranean in Italy, President Obama's global warming ox is being Al-Gored by the other seven G-8 leaders. Coming to the usually meaningless summit armed with a fresh resolution from the U.S. Congress in which it formally – and it's about time – stated its firm opposition to destruction of the human race through global warming, Obama tried to make up for the Bush Administration's cavalier attitude about the future of the planet by getting fellow sophisticated leaders to say, "yea, we don't like global warming, either."

But the G-8 ("Bingo") leaders responded with a resounding, "warming, schmarming, we've got to protect our phony-baloney jobs, gentlemen (and that includes you, too, Prime Minister Merkel)."

Sure, the bulls stampeding through Pamplona is a romantic if bizarre sporting event but it compares little in drama and downright stupidity to the stampeding of GOP elephants off the cliff of rationality back in the states.

Word came yesterday from Nevada the parents of U.S. Senator John Ensign paid his mistress $96,000 for having an affair with their son, the self-righteous family-values politician.

I mean, come on, forcing a kid to take his ugly cousin to the senior prom is one thing but, geez-o-peet, paying for sex for your son? Wow, how come I couldn't have parents like that?

No, just kidding. That's not what really happened. What really happened – allegedly – is Sen. Ensign's parents paid off their son's mistress to shut up about the affair and save their son the embarrassment of having to fess up. Oh, and by the way, it didn't work.

Admiral Ensign, the father, allegedly told his son, "Just because every other Republican family-values hypocrite politician is boinking some chippy on the side doesn't mean you have to also. Now, go to your room and leave the Playboys here."

Okay, made up that last part.

Down in South Carolina, meanwhile, it turns out the real focus of Gov. Mark Sanford's state-funded "trade trip" to Argentina in 2008 was more about trading beaver pelts than anything else.

The Washington Post reports Sanford's staff told Argentinean trade officials he could meet them for drinks, perhaps, if they really needed him but dinner wasn't necessary and, well, he was really more interested in, um, an "self-guided tour" of Buenos Aires. Oh, is that was the kids are calling it, these days?

Speaking of payoffs, Illinois Senator (kinda) Roland Burris has announced he will not seek re-election next year because he just can't come up with the cash and, well, Gov. Blagojevich has been forced to resign which means Burris would actually have to get elected in the first place. Maybe Norm Coleman will move to Illinois.

Finally, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has decided there will be no resolution in the people's House to honor Michael Jackson. Pelosi has enough trouble trying to keep the Republicans from fisticuffs with the Democrats without having the House fall apart over whether to call MJ a global humanitarian or perv.

"It's a choice we're making," Pelosi said. "We're saving our own lives."

Wow, for an “off-week” – that being defined as a week after a major holiday when most folks are still recovering from shooting off their fingers with screamer bottle-rockets – there sure is a lot going on.

We said, “good-bye,” yesterday to Michael. But don't worry. He'll continue to be around for quite a while thanks to the miracle of modern marketing and, well, frankly President Obama should be grateful because according to the Rev. Al Sharpton Michael was responsible for his rise to the presidency.

Fans generally were miffed at Mimi's performance but were brought to tears by Lionel and “We Are The World.”

Congresswoman Barbara Jackson-Lee took the podium at the Staples Center to say the Congress should recognize Michael for his humanitarian efforts. Don't expect her colleague, Congressman Peter King, to vote FOR that resolution. He dismissed Jackson (Michael, not Barbara) as a pedophile unworthy of the world's outpouring of love. King apparently prefers the pedophiles, misogynists and adulterers in the Congress.

The president in the meantime actually got Russia to agree to reduce the number of nuclear warheads. We each agreed to reduce the number of world-destroying warheads by up to 1,600. That only leaves another few thousand chances to blow ourselves to kingdom come. But, hey, we'll take the reduction.

Reports also circulated that Obama and the fam kinda dissed their Russian hosts by deciding rather than one more state dinner they'd head out to the O2 club atop the Moscow Ritz-Carlton. That's what I think of when I think of Moscow: the Ritz-Carlton.

And, hey, back in Washington there's finally 100 full-fledged members of the most exclusive club in the world: the U.S. Senate. Again, repeat this phrase to your right-wing friends: Senator Al Franken. It'll drive ‘em nuts. Senator Al Franken, Senator Al Franken. Senator Al Franken.

It's absolutely fitting that he should take a seat in the U.S. Senate. After all, his best-selling book is called, Lies (And the Lying Liars Who Tell Them). Oh yea, and Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot and Other Observations.

Thought you'd seen the last of Sarah Palin? Not a chance. She'll continue to be around through the miracle of modern marketing.

According to a USA Today poll, 70 percent of all Republicans want her seek higher national elective office. It's funny but a majority of Democrats want that, too. Like catchin' salmon in a big ol' net, they figure.

One of the leading Democratic strategists in Florida even suggested the best thing for the Democratic Party would be for the Faux News to give Palin and Argentinean Ambassador Mark Sanford a talk show they could co-host.

National GOP chair Michael Steele is wasting no time. He sees Palin as a goose who might lay a golden egg in the GOP coffers. Steele said yesterday he wants Palin to start raising money for the party. You betcha, by golly and also.

There's dreadful trouble still in Iran and Honduras and ethnic cleansing in China but, hey, we're still shootin' off in this country like Roman candles!

There's a choice we're making. We're saving our own lives.

The President has landed in Russia, proving to his critics once and for all he’s some kind of Muslim commie, and Sarah Palin can see him from her porch in Wasilla where she’s contemplating her cut ‘n run strategy.

Well, it was quite a Fourth of July weekend, starting off with the soon-to-be-ex-Governor of Alaska’s surprise announcement that she’s quitting: just walkin’ off the job with nearly two years left in her term; adios, hasta-la-later, don’t-call-me-I’ll-call-you, I got bigger fish to fry…yessir, you betcha, and so forth, also.

Public servants are always well-regarded when they simply quit in the middle of their terms. The voters love that. Shows real fortitude, resolve, character; an ability to take on a task and stick with it: everything everyone loves in elected officials.

Pundits and political hacks dropped their Fourth of July hot dogs, mustard flyin’, and nearly forgot about Michael Jackson, trying to explain Palin’s WTF move – suddenly, on a Friday night, the eve of the nation’s biggest annual celebration. Speculation ran the gamut from, “she’s about to be indicted,” to, “she running for president.” That’s quite a gamut.

At least she didn’t just disappear and leave her staff to come up with some lame excuse -like hiking the Denali Trail, only to have her show up at the Anchorage Airport arriving back from a trip to Kamchatka with her paramour, the car mechanic. At least we were spared that!

No sooner had all the speculating started when Palin started shooting back, all over the Facebook and the Twitter, sayin’ she just didn’t like all the speculatin’, by golly and so forth, you betcha, also.

"See letter from my attorney on baseless allegations of past 24hrs @...,” she tweeted. “Critics are spinning, so hang in there as they feed false info on the right decision made as I enter last yr in office to not run again."

Maybe someone can explain that last sentence to me.

Faux News immediately launched off about what a great idea it was for Palin to quit as governor of Alaska. This way, Faux News said, she can travel and write books, appear on our network and make lots of money…which is, of course, the reason for getting into politics in the first place.

My personal favorite, though, was Bill Kristol, editor of the Weekly Standard, noted neo-con, imperialist and Palin woody sycophant.

“She’s just going to get out there,” Kristol explained on Faux News Faux Sunday. “It’s going to depend on her talent and abilities.”

He said that with a straight face, by the way.

“She’s been treated with more hatred – and more hatred that has been treated respectfully by the mainstream media – than any politician I can remember,” Kristol said THAT with a straight face, too, as the camera cut to Juan Williams rolling his eyes.

Oh yea? Really? It’s a good thing President Obama or Secretary of State Clinton or Speaker of the House Pelosi or any other ORWS (Object of Right-Wing Scorn) never had to put up with hatred or attacks on character or anything like that.

In the meantime, maybe we can all turn our attention to the President’s trip to Russia, the ethnic violence in China, the continuing efforts of the Iranian people and the coup in Honduras.

What? No? Oh yea, I forgot. Michael Jackson’s funeral is tomorrow.

Happy Fourth of July, everybody!

Sure, unemployment is up around 10 percent and Michael Jackson is dead.

But look on the bright side. Radio bag-o-poots Douche Limpbranch has discovered the reason for the demise of this country: “liberal infobabes…female chicks who have chickified the news.”

No kidding, he actually said that.

Seriously, I’ve been thinkin’ ‘bout the reason for this holiday, this celebration: the Declaration of Independence.

It’s a short document, amazing considering its consequence. Its second paragraph is without a doubt the most elegant statement of human rights ever penned.

WE HOLD THESE TRUTHS TO BE SELF-EVIDENT…

That means everything in that paragraph ought to be obvious to everybody.

THAT ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL;

Now, in those days, they meant what they wrote – “all men” – are created equal. ‘Course, nowadays we know it’s right to include all women, too, and all people, no matter the color of skin or walk of faith or sexual identity or anything else: all people. It just took us a while and, unfortunately, several wars – including one big one against ourselves – to realize that particular self-evident truth. Some folks still can’t understand it, like Douche.

THAT THEY ARE ENDOWED BY THEIR CREATOR WITH CERTAIN INALIENABLE RIGHTS;

That word, “inalienable,” means that endowed rights can’t be changed or altered by anybody, for any reason. We forget that sometimes. And notice, too, it says, “by their creator.” Whomever or whatever that may be, according to citizens’ own beliefs.

THAT AMONG THESE (RIGHTS) ARE LIFE, LIBERTY AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS;

That passage right there is the cornerstone of these United States of America. It can be a controversial passage today because some folks try to twist it to their own political purposes. But is seems clear to me: ALL FOLKS, ALL PEOPLE have an automatic right to live their lives free and happy. It is the simplest, yet most compelling argument ever given for dignity and human rights.

It does not, however, give us a “right” to pursue our own “happiness” on the backs of others; exploiting them for our own selfish purposes. “Pursuit of happiness” means, just as the ancient Hebrew prophet Micah suggested, we should all have an even chance at sitting contentedly, peacefully under our own fig tree.

It is an idea borne of the Enlightenment, of Locke and Descartes; the notion of the supremacy of the individual above all else. “I think, therefore I am.” “Don’t Tread on Me.”

It is a uniquely Western thought, taken to its limits by the American experiment. There is, alternatively and worthy of serious consideration, the African concept, “Ubuntu,” which suggests supremacy is not found in the individual but, rather, in the community. Perhaps we could better practice that concept through this next part:

THAT TO SECURE THESE RIGHTS, GOVERNMENTS ARE INSTITUTED AMONG MEN, DERIVING THEIR JUST POWERS FROM THE CONSENT OF THE GOVERNED.

Anarchy can’t secure rights. Governments must do that. It is an idea as old as Plato. Beware of so-called leaders who belittle a government’s authority to protect the rights of the otherwise unprotected.

The American experiment added the concept which suggested the only legitimate government is the one that gets its power from the people it governs. That was a radical idea back in 1776, given voice by the likes of Thomas Paine debating Edmund Burke. Given the present state of government in the U.S. of A., it’s almost as radical today – at least to many of the men and women now in Washington.

THAT WHEN ANY GOVERNMENT BECOME DESTRUCTIVE OF THESE ENDS, IT IS THE RIGHT OF THE PEOPLE TO ALTER OR TO ABOLISH IT, AND TO INSTITUTED NEW GOVERNMENT, LAYING ITS FOUNDATION ON SUCH PRINCIPLES, AND ORGANIZING ITS POWERS IS SUCH FORM AS TO THEM SHALL SEEM MOST LIKELY TO EFFECT THEIR SAFETY AND HAPPINESS.

If we don’t like the government, we can change it – so long as we continue to hold those to those basic, self-evident truths and irrevocable rights.

That’s it, isn’t it? We have a Creator-given right to revolt if our government is interfering with our rights…to happiness…to privacy…to health?

It’s hard, sometimes, for our elected officials to remember they are in office because we sent them. We may not have contributed thousands of dollars to their campaigns. But we voted for them. They work for us. The small minority who gave them thousands of dollars should not control them. They work for us: the people.

It is hard being an American democrat, sometimes. We tend to get set in our ways; protective of the power that comes with elective office and lazy when it comes to standing up for our rights.

It is We the People who have the inalienable rights. Politicians govern only with our consent.

It’s July and the simultaneous blasts you may have heard in NYC and West Palm Beach were not fireworks but, rather, the exploding heads of wingnut bloviaters Sneer O’Really and Douche Limpbranch as the Minnesota Supreme Court ruled yesterday the people of the Gopher State may indeed send Stuart Smalley to the United States Senate.

That’s right. Because it’s July 1 and Independence Day is only three days away you can begin the celebration early by walking up, discreetly and politely, to your favorite arch neo-con and gently whispering in his or her ear: “Senator Al Franken.”

Stand back and watch what happens. Talk about the rocket’s red glare, bombs bursting in air!

Only eight months after the people of Minnesota voted, they will indeed have two senators representing them in the most exclusive club in the world and Norm Coleman, the loser, has agreed to stop whining in public and go back to whining in private.

“Senator Al Franken.” Think about it. Nothing seems to irritate the extreme right-wing more, not even the thought of the White House being occupied by an African-American secret Muslim socialist. Ain’t it fun?

Okay, now it’s on to the task of electing Dan Aykroyd as governor of New York and nominating Jane Curtin to the U.S. Supreme Court.

Maybe Norm Coleman can head down to South Carolina and help another loser slink back into the shadows.

Really, seriously. Memo to South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford: STFU!

Good Lord, man, what in the world is wrong with you? Are you so vain and narcissistic that you just can’t help your Anglo redneck self and want to keep bragging about nailing a beautiful and exotic Latin chick? Or are you just stupid?

So, now, the dude keeps enhancing his story, saying he and his Argentinean paramour were together more than the three times to which he originally admitted; a whole bunch more times, as a matter of fact, and she really liked it; and that he may have bagged others babes as well – all the while masquerading as a born-again, family values, self-righteous judge of others.

Not to worry, though. The South Carolina attorney general has decided to look into the matter to see if the state’s constitution prohibits anyone dumb and horny from being governor.

Thank God we have righteous state lawmakers in Oklahoma who are willing to put themselves on the line of save this republic.

Y’all remember Sooner State Rep. Sally Kern. She’s the open-minded visionary who last year said gay people were going to destroy this country. Well, she’s back and has introduced a resolution into the Oklahoma Legislature that will once and for all correct all the problems facing our great nation: specifically, the problem with, as she put it, “the office of the president of these United States disregard(ing) the biblical admonitions to live clean and pure lives by proclaiming an entire month to an immoral behavior.”

Rep. Kern is apparently pissed off that President Barack Hussein Obama pretty much dissed that silly National Day of (Right-wing) Prayer and chooses, instead, to try to do something to actually help the people of these United States.

“Now, therefore, be it resolved,” reads her resolution, “that we the undersigned elected officials of the people of Oklahoma, religious leaders and citizens of the State of Oklahoma, appealing to he Supreme Judge of the world, solemnly declare that the HOPE of the great State of Oklahoma and of these United States, rests upon the Principles of Religion and Morality as put forth in the HOLY BIBLE; and

‘BE IT RESOLVED that we, the undersigned, humbly call upon Holy God, our Creator, Sustainer, and Redeemer, to have mercy on this nation, to stay His hand of judgment, and grant a national awakening of righteousness and Christian renewal as we repent of our great sin.”

That should fix it.