"Kennedy, I assume you have a good reason for missing school yesterday."

"Yes, ma'am. I was with the President!"

"Which president?"

"THE President of the United States."

"Sure, sure…I had lunch with Franklin Roosevelt, myself." (Snarky teacher.)

"No, really…here's my note: 'To Kennedy's teacher: Please excuse Kennedy's absence. She's with me. (Signed) Kennedy's President'.

"And you expect to believe this?"

"It's real, Mr. Kotter. I promise."

And on to far less cute news…

It appears the horrible curmudgeon and psychopath Nazi James von Brunn, charged with shooting up the Holocaust Museum in Washington on Wednesday, also had on his list of targets the offices of the "Weekly Standard," one of the right-wing's most hallowed sacred scriptures.

(Insert Scooby-Do moment here:) "Ruuuhhh?"

A note found in his car gave the address of the Weekly Standard. The FBI combined that bit of evidence with an essay in which von Brunn blamed "Jews, neo-cons and Bill O'Reilly" for all the nation's troubles and the raging voices inside his head.

This goes along, of course, with the loopy syllogism that von Brunn is a product of "the left," as espoused in recent days on the Faux News channel. The circle is complete, gone all the way around from self-hate to group-hate and back again to self-hate.

Appearing on the Gin Beck's Beer show, some dude from the Ayn Rand Institute said precisely this:

"Well, this Von Brunn's culture is a tribe of racist, anti-Jewish, anti-Negro, anti-immigrant, everything, and therefore he's a phenomenon of the left, because racism is a form of collectivism. The right wing is individualist -- believes in individual rights, freedom, the dignity of each individual life. But it's the left wing -- you know, Hitler was National Socialism, right? It's a leftist phenomenon."

(Insert additional Scooby-Do moment here) "Ruuuhhh?"

And, then, Gin Beck's Beer replied: "…You look at people who are Nazis, and you say that those are right wing? It doesn't make any sense whatsoever."

Holy Crap! What's with these buffoons? Are people buying this detritus?

The Faux News talking heads exploded back in April when the Department of Homeland Security released a classified report suggesting: "rightwing extremists may be gaining new recruits by playing on their fears about…the economic downturn and the election of the first African American president…immigration and citizenship, the expansion of social programs to minorities, and restrictions on firearms ownership and use, as well as "[r]ightwing extremist paranoia ... harkening back to the 'New World Order' conspiracy theories of the 1990s."

Let's make clear one thing about hate: it's not natural. It's a learned response and we have to understand it stems from intense fear; fear about losing something one has, not getting something one wants.

Fear is not an American value. Hate is not an American value. Violence is never an acceptable response.

As the great philosopher and Zen Master, Thich Nhat Hanh, suggests: "We have great fear inside ourselves. We are afraid of everything–of our death, of being alone, of change. Fear is born from our concepts regarding life, death, being, and nonbeing. If we are able to get rid of all these concepts by touching the reality within ourselves, then nonfear will be there and the greatest relief will become possible."

Peace to you…and relief from fear.

"Finally, whether you are citizens of America or citizens of the world, ask of us the same high standards of strength and sacrifice which we ask of you. " – John F. Kennedy, inaugural speech, 1960.

"I am here today both as a citizen of the United States and of the world." – Ronald Reagan, United Nations, 1982.

"Tonight I speak to you not as a candidate for President but as a citizen – a proud citizen of the United States and a fellow citizen of the world." - Barack Obama, candidate for U.S. President in Berlin, July, 2008.

"I am not a citizen of the world. I think the entire concept is intellectual nonsense and stunningly dangerous!" - Newt Gingrich, June, 2009.

"It is a beautiful day here in Washington. The sky is blue, the air is crisp." – President Barack Obama, earlier this week.

"It's a really crappy day here in Washington. Sure, the sky is blue but we hate that." – Newt Gingrich, moments after President Obama's declaration.

Okay, made up that last part but you get the idea: Obama says one thing and immediately it's fired back like a good volley from the likes of Noot, Douche Limpbranch and all the leaders of the GOP. But, hey, when you're issue-challenged all you can come up with is intellectual nonsense.

Such is the state of American politics, these days.

The good news is Republicans now think they have Obama backed into a corner. They have a Gallup Poll saying 51 percent of surveyed Americans think Obama's economy stimulus program is spending too much money.

But they better do something fast. They also have a USAToday/Gallup Poll saying one-third of the roughly 21 percent of Americans still calling themselves Republicans don't even like the party anymore.

"We can not be a party of balding white guys," former Bushista Ed Gillespie told the USAToday.

And the same poll indicates 52 percent of those GOPers couldn't even identify a single leader of the party. Limbaugh topped the list, though, with 13 percent (of the 21 percent) identifying him as GOP leader. He was followed, in order, by former VP Cheney, former candidate and U.S. Senator McCain and ol' Nooty. Former President George Bush ranked fifth, with only 3 percent of surveyed Republicans identifying him as leader of the party.

Can't help but wonder who those 3 percent might be and how I can avoid coming in contact with them…for my own safety.

But in cheerier news…Hey gang! Guess what? We have a terrorist in continental United States! Shhhhh! Don't tell Harry Reed or another of the other congressional leaders who vowed to NEVER – EVER let any of those Guantanamo terrorists into the heartland.

Ahmed Ghailani, a Tanzanian accused of plotting the 1998 suicide bombings of U.S. embassies in Nairobi and Dar es Salaam, will face trial in New York. The police will probably keep a pretty close eye on him while he's here.

Finally, the Orlando Magics rebounded to defeat the L.A. Lakers in game three of the NBA Finals! Go Magics!

Maybe that's an issue with which the GOP could get traction: promote a constitutional amendment to ban singular sports team names…and, yes, I include the beloved Miami Heaters with the same derision.

Somewhere inside Washington D.C.'s famed Beltway, in a quiet and dimly-lit basement studio, a group of veteran political wonks and hacks have gathered to see into the future.

"Okay, where are we in the polls?" asked the group leader.

"Not good," came the response. "We're down to about 20 percent approval."

"Twenty percent? Who are these people?"

"Well, they appear to be the hardliners, ditto-heads and some remaining fundies, although the fundies have pretty much given up on us, too."

"Okay, we gotta get these people back, the NASCAR dads, the soccer moms, the great unwashed out there so busy with their own lives and making ends meet they don't even pay attention to the news and only vote on the strength of what they last heard before entering the polling place. Whadda we got?"

"Well, we got Rushie. We got Newtie. We got Sarah. NASCAR dads love Sarah 'cause she's hot.

"Yea, right. Nobody takes Rushie seriously anymore and he made himself look even sillier than usual last week with all that Sotomayor nonsense.

"Soccer moms hate Newtie because he hasn't done such a good job of stickin' with wives in the past and well, let's face, he's yesterday's news.

"Sure, NASCAR dads love Sarah but we gotta get her to stop talking.

"Come on, guys, we got an avowed Muslim in The White House and a radical Socialist at that who goes by the name, 'Hussein," and we can't get any more than 20 percent?"

"But, boss, the people love this guy. He just scored major home runs in Egypt and France. Apparently the people love a Muslim president who quotes the Koran and assures the whole world we're really all on the same team."

"Have we gone rational in this country? Wassup wid dat? We gotta try something new, something fresh, something that'll scare the bejesus outta everybody."

"We got Dick. He's always good at scarin' folks."

"Yea, 'bout that. Send a memo to Dick. Tell 'im to shut the eff up for a while. He ain't helpin'.

"Well, we could trot Sarah out on stage tonight at the big dinner, get her to wear something revealing, distract everyone's attention while Newtie does his Muppet impression."

"Yea, that's good. We could try that."

"Or we could start opposing Hussein Obama's escalation of the war in Afghanistan. Jeez-o-peet, he's makin' Georgie look like Gandhi the way he's rampin' up that war.

"We could send some good, moderate voice out there to say what we really need in Afghanistan is a surgical police action to root out the criminals, arrest them and put them on trial…you know, maybe like we shoulda done in the first place."

"Naw, we can't do that. We'd come off looking like peacemakers and apologists and, God forbid, some kind of empathetic party and we already took a stand against empathy."

There was silence for a while.

"I know," said someone, finally. "Let's call for lower taxes for the wealthy, less government, increased military and a firm stand for family values and against the homos."

"I like that new thinkin'," said the boss. "Get me that Michigan county commissioner who got caught screwin' somebody else's wife in the public park. That's the kind of spokesman we need."

As the immortal philosopher, Meadowlark Lemon said, "It's my LEG!!"

"Okay, boys and girls, come on in; take a seat. Yes, that's right, very good."

"We've arranged the chairs in a circle today because we're all going to sit around, talk to each other and work out some of these issues…yes, very good."

"Mr. Limbaugh, no, you need to leave the Dominican hookers out in the waiting room. Yes, thank you."

"And, yes, Mr. Terry, I know you think Jesus goes with you everywhere but, please, out of consideration for the rest ask him to remain outside."

"Oh, and excuse me, Mr. Beck, how about let's leave the teddy bear outside, too. I know you have some, er, mommy-issues but that's why we're all here today…to talk some of these things out."

"What's that Ms. Coulter? No, ma'am, this is not a gender-identity group but you are welcome just the same; and, please, Mr. O'Reilly, we just can't have those kinds of magazines in our session. Yes, I'm sure you understand. Thank you."

"Everyone settle in? Comfortable? Good. Now, then, we're all here today because we want to get a few things off our chest. I know each of you have expressed some outrage and said some nasty things to others and we're going to get at the root of that anger and see if we can help get it out on the table where we can all deal with it. "

"Who wants to start? Mr. Hannity? Certainly. Please, what's on your mind? "

"Well, er, um, I'm angry because this Obama fellow gives terrorists the world stage."

"I see. Well, Mr. Hannity, do you say that because the President gave a speech in a Muslim capital? Do you mean to imply all Muslims are terrorists? My, my, that certainly is a broad statement."

"Anyone else? Ms. Carlson?"

"Yes, I'm angry because this Obama fellow is apologizing for America starting a war, invading another country without any good reason. We're America. We don't apologize to anyone!"

"Well, that's also quite the broad statement."

"Anyone else?" Yes, Mr. O'Reilly? Mr. Terry? You both seem to think anger and violence is a way to address problems. Your thoughts? "

"Hate is a good thing. It can be very useful, very productive."

"Oh, my, my…well, we certainly have some issues today, don't we? Mr. Terry, I know I made you leave Jesus out in the waiting room so while he's out there, let me ask you this: Did Jesus ever tell you to hate someone or wish them ill or, even, say they should be murdered? "

"So, it seems the source of all our hatred this morning is really all about simply being afraid; fear of something we don't understand, fear of someone who is different from us, fear we might not get our way, fear we might lose something we want. We're all just very afraid, aren't we?"

"No, that's not it at all."

"Yes, Mr. Beck, you have something to contribute?"

"It's not fear of other people. It's fear of our own people. We're afraid of losing our audience. See, we've already dwindled down to only about 20 percent of the people paying any attention to us. If we lose any more we might lose our jobs and, well, I can't speak for the rest of us but if I lose my TV job I'm afraid I'll end up selling shirts at Sears. I really need to keep all these other angry people tuned in and I have to keep them angry to keep them tuned in. Oh, my God, it's a vicious cycle and I want out!!!"

"Now, now, Mr. Beck, I can see we have lots of work to do. You see, we simply can't live off fear for very long because it's just a wasted emotion."

"Okay, well I see our time is just about up. I think in our next session we'll talk about how it's really okay for others to have opinions that aren't exactly like ours. Please call me during the week, though, if you suddenly feel the urge to denigrate someone else or scream and yell for no good reason."

"Before we're done, we'll all feel good about living with others."

President Obama heads to Saudi Arabia and Egypt for the Hajj, Dick Cheney says the Iraq War saved lives and rich old fat white men continue to hate the notion that woman who could have been their maid will sit on the U.S. Supreme Court.

Sure, it's the world in 2009 but what the hell, it's all we got; at least for a while, until we burn ourselves up.

President Obama will do a fly-in at the airport in Riyadh, Kingdom of the Sauds, on his way to Cairo to deliver a speech about why we can't be locking up in jail political opponents. Obama is stopping by to wish King Abdullah well and say, please, your royal Saudiness, don't call in the billions of T-bills you're holding on us, not right now, we're doing much better, we promise.

Is it just coincidence or a major conspiracy theory unfolding that only days ago U.S. Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner was dispatched to Beijing for much the same mission?

No, no, it's just good policy. Everyone knows when you get into financial hot water the first thing you do is call up your banker, go see him or her, ask them to play golf, remind them of your long-standing relationship and how you're a good guy and, sure, this is a rough patch but it's really not our fault and, well, we're working to make it better. Just hold on to those T-bills for a little while longer. I promise they'll be worth something again.

Of course, the Faux News is all over the President's trip to the Middle East. Calling it another "apology tour," the brilliant and insightful talking heads on the Faux News say Obama's mission is simply to apologize for being American. The other 80 percent of us Americans know better, however, and the Faux News wonkers just keeping talking to themselves. I mean, really, even if it was true what in the world would America have to apologize for?

Meanwhile, ol' Dick just can't let it go. Speaking to the National Press Club, former Veep Cheney said the Iraq War actually saved lives, except of course for over 4,000 Americans and nearly 100,000 Iraqis.

"The problem we were faced with in the aftermath of 9/11 was the possibility of another 9/11-style attack, only with much deadlier technology, a 9/11 with nukes or biological agents of some kind. That concern drove a lot of our thinking in that period, in those months after 9/11," said Cheney, as recorded by the Think Progress blog. "I think it was a sound decision to make. I think it was an important part of our overall strategy in the Global War on Terror. I think it saved lives. Saddam Hussein is no longer in power and we have a stable democracy now in Iraq."

Glad we found all those weapons of mass destruction.

Finally, Burger King joints all over Memphis, TN., are sporting signs which read, "global warming is baloney."

One wouldn't think it smart for a hamburger joint to promote baloney.

But speaking of baloney, Pat-on-the-Buttcannon wrote in his June 2 syndicated column, "Sonia Sotomayor is a quota queen. She believes in preaches and practices race-based justice. In her world, equal justice takes a back seat to tribal justice. Now, people often come out to vote for one of their own. Catholics for JFK, evangelicals for Mick Huckabee, women for Hillary Clinton, Mormons for Mitt Romney, Jews for Joe Lieberman and African-Americans for Barack Obama. That is political reality and an exercise of political freedom. But tribal justice is un-American."

Ah, yes, the good ol' American car culture. We love us some hot rods, big ol' slurpin' SUVs, trucks that say more about what's in our pants – or not - than how much we can haul in horse manure.

Oh, well, too bad. We had our day. Maybe we were born to run but we ran outa gas. The check's come due and, oops, we ain't got no money to pay the bill.

General Motors, once the biggest company in the history of the planet, the icon of American automotive excellence, bravado, and capitalism will slink into federal bankruptcy court today, pushed by the Obama Administration, to say, "Hey, we're sorry. Can we forget all these mistakes and excesses of recent years and start all over?"

Quick note: this is not, repeat NOT, the demise of General Motors or the American car industry or American car culture. It's simply a refocusing, a re-shifting of priorities.

General Motors will continue to produce new cars, as will Fiat-Chrysler, as will Ford. As Americans, we're not going to leave our cars alone and all ride bicycles, at least not all the time.

But the cars we'll produce in the future – if we have any sense at all – will be sane cars, efficient cars; maybe even cars that don't weigh three tons and produce enough carbon dioxide to pollute an entire urban valley. Heck, the current generation of new drivers doesn't even know – or care - what a tachometer is!

Okay, personal confession time: dang, I hated giving up my '04 Fortieth Anniversary Edition red Mustang GT convertible with the 260 V-8 and a sound system known to set off car alarms but, heck, it was the right thing to do.

What went wrong at GM? Despite all the over analyzation you'll hear, it's quite simple. GM failed to keep up with the times, the market. It overproduced big unreliable cars while Toyota and Hyundai and BMW and Honda all slipped in with cars of better value, better gas mileage, better reliability and took market share away from the fabled giant. Its simple economics; simple capitalism; better mousetrap.

And now it's up to us taxpayers to save the company from its excesses. My little deuce coupe, you don't know what I got.

In the meantime, the GOP continued its fruitless and rash internal and external debate over U.S. Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor; making itself look worse with each passing day. As old, fat white men, they just can't resist calling someone else a racist or pointing out the flaws of a female nominee or whatever.

At least some Republican leaders on Capitol Hill called over the weekend for all the claptrap to stop.

The ranking Republican on the Senate Judiciary Committee – the committee through whom the Sotomayor nomination will pass – said he thinks folks like Douche Limpbranch and Eye-of-the-Newt GingRICH should just shut their pie holes.

"I don't think (racist) is an appropriate description of her," said Sen. Jeff Sessions, D-Alabama, in a startling moment of clarity. Isn't that nice of him?

But, hey, don't let attempts to calm the fringe insurgents actually calm the fringe insurgents.

It wasn't enough for El Bloviater Douche Limpbranch to sneer through his ample jowls at Latin folks or women. Oh heck no, he had to go after Indigenous people as well.

"If we want to talk about richness of experience, there's a group of people that were here before we got here, gang: the Indians, the Native Americans, the chiefs, the redskins", he actually belched out on Friday. "I don't see any of them being put up on the courts. Talk about a richness of experience – hell, these clowns beat Custer. They have cred."

Clowns? Really?

Let's hope the Seminole Tribe of Florida, Inc., takes a really good chunk of Limpbranch's money each time he ventures down the street to the Hard Rock. That would be nice.

As noted writer, poet and philosopher, Joyce Carol Oates, reminds us: "The best revenge is living well."