It seems we have a BIG problem here in Amurka.

That's right. I know it's hard to believe but reading the blogs and listening to the AM radio in recent days has made it abundantly clear we have a BIG problem.

The problem appears to be a threat to the absolute power, control and dominance of the rich, fat, white male. Sometimes simply referred as "tha man," it is readily apparent a tectonic shift is underway to subvert that absolute power and dominance and, well, I'm not sure the Republic can stand under that kind of pressure.

This problem was brought to light on Tuesday when President Barack Obama, who happens to be of African heritage, nominated to the U.S. Supreme Court Federal Appeals Court Judge Sonia (not "Maria," Gov. Huckabee) Sotomayor, a woman born of parents from Puerto Rico…which, again, for the record happens to be part of the USA.

So, you see right there we have the makings of a problem in this land of opportunity.

Noted AM radio hack and drug-addled windbag Douche Limpbranch exploded with charges of "racism" and "reverse racism" and "double-helix, triple back flip, quadruple Salchow racism."

Eye-of-the-Newt GringRICH chimed right in, Twittering from his phone while touring Nazi death camps in Germany (not making that up), with charges that Sotomayor will be empathetic to women and people of color and that a rich white Supreme Court nominee would be hounded from the nomination if they spoke of empathy for rich white men. (Justice Alito's acknowledgement of his Italian heritage during confirmation not withstanding.)

Before you could hang a noose on a tree branch, all the rich, fat white talking heads of the wingnut variety were doing us this great public service by pointing out – in graphic terms, often – what might happen should one of the nine votes on the U.S. Supreme Court fall to a woman who happens to be Hispanic, who grew up poor and managed to get herself through Princeton undergrad and Yale Law School.

Why, it'd be mayhem! MAYHEM, I tell you!

"The left sees white men as a problem," said Faux News talking head Spill O'Really. "It believes putting women and minorities in power is the solution. That is called gender and race politics."

"It got down to four women, not a single male, all women," shouted Pat-u-on-the-BuckCannon on the NBC. "You mean there are no white males qualified? That would be an act of bigotry to make a statement like that."

These leaders of the GOP and other rich, fat white men have their panties in a wad because, aside from the fact that Sotomayor is Latina (and proud of it), she had the temerity to suggest back in 2001 that "a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion" than a rich, fat white man in determining race and sex discrimination lawsuits. And you know how much it grieves rich, fat white men to talk about race and sex discrimination in the first place and to let a woman or person of color talk about that…well, that just won't do.

They've gone on from there to say the usual, typical things: Sotomayor is not that smart (Princeton, Yale, law review editor), she's domineering, she's soft on crime, she can't swim. And, of course, the all-time, universal, fits-any-size claim she will…take a deep breath…be a…Lord, I can't say it...I'll whisper: "activist judge" and legislate from the bench; you know, Brown v. Board of Education and stuff like that.

Everyone knows we only want the Supreme Court to pick the president! See how well that decision worked out?

I dunno. Maybe they have a point. I mean, really, what would this country be if its rich immigrant history, its cultural and racial diversity, its ability to raise itself up from the bootstraps were to be reflected accurately in the halls of power and public policy emanating there from?

Crap, we might be an empathetic nation!

Finally, a great big ol' SHOUTOUT to Maya Frances Anne Hart, who graduates today from Barron Collier High School!! A dad simply couldn't ask for a more wonderful daughter!!

Everybody sing, now, in your best baritone from West Side Story – or, at least, West-Memphis Side Story:

"Maria…we can't let on SCOTUS…Maria. And suddenly I've found how wonderful a sound…can be…"

At least that's what former Arkansas governor, failed presidential candidate and current Faux News TeeVeeBox talking head Mike "Huckleberry" Huckabee was singing yesterday moments after President Obama announced Federal Appeals Court Judge Sonia Sotomayor as his pick for the U.S. Supreme Court.

The only problem is, Huck, dood, her name is SONIA…not Maria. Not every Latin woman is named Maria. He later corrected his website but, still, it just goes to show what may be in store in the coming months as the Wingers try to figure out some way to oppose Sotomayor's nomination to the nation's highest court. When you're a Jet, you're a Jet, I guess.

In announcing Sotomayor as his pick to replace retiring Supreme Court Justice David Souter, the Prez called her a "brilliant individual…a woman who will bring more experience on the bench than anyone currently serving on the Supreme Court had when they were appointed."

Sure, she's a cum laude grad at Princeton, a law review editor at Yale and the daughter of working-class parents who grew up in the projects in Bronx, NY. Oh, yea, and did anyone point out she's a woman AND a Latin woman at that? (Memo to press: she's the first Latin WOMAN to be appointed to the Supreme Court, not the first Latin person. Read history books, some time, and you'll learn about Justice Cardozo, who was of Portuguese decent.)

And by the way, additional memo to the press: she is NOT the daughter of immigrants. Puerto Rico, the birthplace of her parents, is actually part of the United States of America.

Of course, her bona fides in academia, her reputation as a jurist and her experience on federal benches (first appointed by George H.W. Bush) won't stop the Wingers from questioning her intellect or her qualifications. Oh heck no!

Within hours after the announcement the Republican National Committee was sending out talking points to its faithful:

Really, the RNC talking points memo – inadvertently sent to the press, too - suggested such things.

Conversation at RNC:

"Gee we can't oppose her because she's female and Hispanic. Let's say she's not smart and scare the hell out of people. That always works!" Look for this question at Senate confirmation hearings: "Do you plan to further erode the rights of unborn property owners?" It'd be great if she answered: "Senator, in all due respect and with all candor and transparency, I don't know what the hell you're talking about."

And, speaking of gay and lesbian people getting married, the California Supremes said Tuesday, "Stop, in the name of love," and left gay and lesbian couples standing at the crossroads of love, singing, "Some Day, We'll Be Together," when they upheld the constitutionality of a November referendum in which California voters said, "You Can't Hurry Love," after the same California Supreme Court said earlier in 2008 that gay and lesbian couples could marry.

The ruling let the marriages stand of 18,000 couples who exchanged vows in the few months they were allowed. So, in effect, the California Supreme Court ruling on Tuesday said, "Okay, y'all can stay married, equal rights for you, but the rest of you can forget it. Nope, not no mo'." Love is here and now you're gone.

Sure, makes sense.

Oh well, as the great theatrical philosopher Stephen Sondheim said, "Everything's free in America…for a small fee in America!"

MEMORIAL DAY: Let's all take just a moment to say a prayer for the millions of Americans who gave their lives for this great nation. And to honor them, let's also pray for us to become a nation that seeks to study war no more; that our mission becomes one of peace.

Now the snark – and there was plenty of it over the weekend. I guess politics – the fine art of trying to humiliate one's adversaries – never takes a break.

You may have missed it among the barbeques and boat outings but the Republican National Committee – you know, the group trying to rebuild the GOP with new ideas – launched a video on the Innertubes throwing a big ol' gold finger at the nation and U.S. House of Representatives Speak Nancy Pelosi, D-California, by comparing her to the original James Bond femme fatale, Pussy Galore.

That's right. Pussy Galore. They did this because, of course, Speaker Pelosi suggested a couple of weeks ago the CIA might not have been completely truthful back in 2003 during congressional briefings and as hard as that might be to believe, some in the GOP have seized upon Pelosi's suggestions to point out that she's a woman and, therefore, is also a whore and villain. "Democrats Galore," reads the message at the end of the spot.

So much for new ideas coming from the GOP. It's good to know we've gotten past sexism in politics!

Release of the video immediately set off a thunderball in Washington and even some Republican members of Congress said, well, you only live twice. House Minority Leader, John Boehner, R-Ohio, denied he is Dr. No.

Meanwhile, former Secretary of State, Chair of the Joint Chief, war hero and American icon joined other moderate Republicans such as former Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge on the Sunday talking-heads shows on the TeeVeeBox to say the GOP needs new direction and must stop taking cues from such whack-a-doodles as the former vice-president and Douche Limpbranch, noted radio windbag.

"I think Rush articulates his point of view in ways that offend very many," said Ridge on the CNN.

Gee, ya think?

Powell said moderates in the GOP are afraid to speak out because they will find their phone and email jammed with hate messages.

Wingers immediately fired back at the pair, calling them Pussy Galore. No, wait, that's not right. They only say that about women.

Should be a good week in Washington. Rumors are riff that President Obama may name his Supreme Court nominee and Republicans on the Hill are already lining up to oppose that nominee – whoever it is. And if the nominee happens to be woman I guess we can look forward to historical comparisons of Jezebel!

The tension was palpable. The air was humid, thick with steam rising from the noon-day sun-baked street.

Two men stood at either end, facing each other down in steely resolve. A crowd gathered and soon music filtered through loud-speakers, the theme from, "The Good, the Bad & the Ugly." (Flute: doodle, doodle, do…do-do-do…)

And so it was Thursday on Pennsylvania Avenue in our nation's capital. The new sheriff facing down the old vice-sheriff in a battle of wits, a battle in which the old vice-sheriff found himself hopelessly out gunned, save for the whiney yelping of his snappy little four-legged side-kick, a fox-news terrier.

"I was and remain a strong proponent of (torture)," shouted the old vice-sheriff. "(It was) legal, essential, justified, successful and the right thing to do."

The crowd stood in stunned silence.

"Are you freakin' kiddin' me?" shouted back the young new sheriff. "Is that all you got?"

"Torture kept you safe," shouted back the old vice-sheriff.

"I believe with every fiber of my being that in the long run we cannot keep this country safe unless we enlist the power of our most fundamental values…the foundation of liberty and justice in this country…a light that shines for all who seek freedom, fairness, equality and dignity around the world," said the new sheriff.

"I didn't do nuthin' bad," pleaded the old vice-sheriff. "Please don't put me in prison."

Later, amid a gathering of old friends – and in a completely different movie - former co-workers in forced labor on the railroad through the old west, friends expressed their joy and gratitude at finding their old co-worker the new sheriff.

"We heard you was hung," they said.

"And they was right," beamed the new sheriff.

Okay, okay…none of this happened. What really happened was President Obama stood Thursday before the Constitution, the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights to say the Bush Administration was wrong to torture and abuse prisoners in Guantanamo, Iraq and Afghanistan. And in the understatement of the decade, he said the Bush Administration left "a mess" for us to clean up.

Former Vice-President Dick Cheney, in a dueling speech, said torture was the only way they could get captured terrorists to say, "yea, Iraq was behind the whole thing." (No, no…that's not right, either). Cheney defended the Bush Administration policy of waterboarding prisoners and said it had to be done over 80 times to some people because, well, they had plenty of water.

Democrats and especially President Obama gotta be lovin' all this!

"Heck yea," they must be saying. "Put Dick Cheney out there all you want. Keep ‘im talking…talk more…and put Limbaugh out there with ‘im. Make it a greatest hits parade!"

Meanwhile, down in Texas the Republican implosion continues. In one of the most hilarious and ironic statements ever issued a strategist for soon-to-be Republic of Texas President Rick Perry scoffed at the idea of the GOP reaching out to new voters because, as he so elegantly put it, the GOP doesn't want to "become a whorehouse and let anybody in who wants to come in, regardless."

Aside from the extremely poor sentence structure, Perry's spokesman must have completely forgotten his boss's opponent is a woman – U.S. Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchinson – and that pundits and comics the world over would endlessly link his stupid comment to the hit musical, "Best Little Whorehouse in Texas."

I dunno, maybe we ARE better off with Texas seceding. At least then we could invade it, capture some of these morons, call them "combatants in need of enemas" and torture them like they're torturing us. Naw…probably not.

Finally, we'll end today in lyrical verse – sorta. In case you don't know, former Arkansas governor, failed presidential candidate and Faux News TeeVeeBox shot host Mike "Huckleberry" Huckabee has become a poet – sorta – and penned a little ode to his good friend, U.S. House of Representatives Speaker Nancy Pelosi. You will no doubt recognize and appreciate the flowing grace and harmonic pentameter. (Really, this is not made up)

Here's a story about a lady named Nancy
A ruthless politician, but dressed very fancy
Very ambitious, she got herself elected Speaker
But as for keeping secrets, she proved quite a "leaker."
She flies on government planes coast to coast
And doesn't mind that our economy is toast.
She makes the Air Force squire her in their military jets
There's room for her family, her staff, and even her pets.
Until now, she annoyed us, but her gaffes were mostly funny;
Even though it was painful to watch her waste our tax money.
But now her wacky comments are no laughing matter;
She's either unwilling to tell the truth, or she's mad as a hatter!

Yea, it goes on like that for quite a while. And we wonder why Republicans are struggling right now.