Okay, sure, the President of the United States has assembled in Washington today the largest gathering of world leaders since FDR and, sure, they’re gonna talk about the dangers to the world of nuclear weapons.

But enough of the small stuff. The really important stuff happened in New Orleans over the weekend when the southern confederate Republican leadership wallowed in self-pity and self-hate to warn us of the dangers of this president who don’t look like all the other presidents.

Just like Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour explained, all the hub-bub over Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell proclaiming April as Confederate Heritage Month? Well, that don’t amount to diddly…and not Bo Diddley, neither, unless he wants to sing us a song and wail on that little box guitar!

No siree, bob…we got real problems in this country and they all start with smart, insightful people regaining control of the fedrul guv’munt and, well, we just can’t have that. They might do something – already have – to help us progress toward a better world when what we really want is to roll back the clock 150 years and fight the slavery war all over again!

You see, in addition to protectin’ their only source of power – ig’nurt hillbillies who are easily persuaded to vote against their own interests – bombast and demagoguery are the only talent they got. Sure ain’t governin’. (See history: 2000-2008.)

Where, oh where is Andrew Jackson when we really need him? What? Drunk and mean again? Great, bring ‘im on!

It’s hard to explain, though, how a Yankee like Mittens Romney won the straw poll at the southern confederate Republican leadership gathering. But be something about a shiny object that glimmers in the lights. Sheen is good.

“Don’t retreat. Reload!” shouted shiny object Sarah Palin, while quickly explaining she doesn’t mean by that we should not resort to violence. By, “reload,” she means putting more ammunition into guns.

She also reportedly distributed reindeer jerk on which the mob could chew while she talked.

“Don’t tell me you’re a Republican and then go spend all the money,” said Texas Gov. Rick Perry. (Again, see history: 2000-2008)

Eye-of-the-Newt Gingrich warned the crowd Obama and the Democrats are a secular, socialist machine. “Two plus two equals four,” Gingrich said, which is just about all the math the crowd could handle.

Oh well, it appears bombast alone won’t save the nation so it will be up to the “snake oil-based, global warming, Gore-gate crowd,” as Palin up it, to save ‘Murka and the world – from itself.

But, oh blessed Jesus, they can always rely on the superior wit of folks like alleged comedian Victorian Jackson who told a separate (but equal) teabagger rally over the weekend, “it doesn’t matter if (Obama) has a birth certificate or not, he’s not an American.”

Sweet.

BREAKING NEWS: Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell has just signed a proclamation recognizing April as KKK Month in the state for lovers.

“It should help tourism,” said the governor, as he boarded a private jet bound for New Orleans and the Southern Republican Leadership Conference.

Immediately upon his announcement, a cannon was fired from the back porch (next to the refrigerator) of Fort. Sumter, South Carolina and legislatures across the south said, “hell no, we ain’t gonna have no stinkin’ health care in THIS state, by damn, ain’t gonna be no slaves to the fed’rul guv’munt.”

Actually, the move kinda stalled in Florida where, oops, one relatively astute committee chairman realized a proposed amendment to the Florida Constitution prohibiting the federal exercise of health care reform would probably be…well, unconstitutional.

Legislators said the state constitution is probably not the place to tell the federal government what to do and someone sent a message to Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell reminding him that didn’t work out so well when they tried it nearly 150 years ago.

“We’ll find other ways to keep people from getting adequate health care in Florida,” said one legislator.

Meanwhile, over in Nawlins, the leaders of the Southern Republicans are gathering to hear, most likely, more of their heroes talk of how bad things are in ‘Murka with a socialist president and how good things were when Bush was president and Hurricane Katrina slammed into Nawlins in 2005.

Sarah Palin will be there and may, yet again, speak of how President Obama’s scaled back nuclear aggression policy is like a kid on the playground who says, “punch me in the face and I’m not going to retaliate – go ahead and do what you want to with me."

Flying back from Prague, where he just signed a new START Treaty with Russian, President Obama suggested to ABC’s George Stephanopoulos he’s probably not going to take advice on nuclear policy from Palin.

“Sarah Palin’s not much of an expert on nuclear issues,” said the President.

But the Southern Republicans should have a good time, nonetheless, and it’s a fine week to remember the Confederacy and all it entailed.

They can even get their shoes shined and, maybe…just maybe…some of the local folks will sing ‘em a song or two…just to show how happy they are!

But back in Washington, 5-term Democratic Ohio Congressman Bart Stupak is expected to announce is retirement today.

You’ll remember Congressman Stupak, of course, who make sure the reproductive health of women was a casualty of the health care reform debate.

Stupak is as Stupak does.

Hey, great! The Census form is here!

Yep, says right here: 2010 Congressional District Census. Now, I can really make my voice heard.

Question 1: Do you consider yourself a conservative Republican? A really conservative Republican? A really, really conservative Republican? A Communist?

Hmmm…odd. Okay, I’ll write in, “none of the above.”

Question 2: Do you vote in most elections? Yep.

Question 3: If you plan to vote in 2010, do you plan to vote for Republicans or for socialist Obamanistas who want to control every single aspect of your life?

Again, an odd question for the Census…but, okay…let’s see, I’ll put down, “I’ll wait and see.”

Question 4: How close are your views to those of your neighbors? Well, I can’t really see the pool from here but I probably have a better view of the woods and the homeless camp.

Question 5: From what source do you regularly receive your political news? (Check all that apply) NBC/CBS/ABC communists? Fox News, fair and balanced? Local websites? Local newspapers? Friends? Facebook? Twitter? Porn? Communist porn?

Wow, the Census is really thorough.

Question 6: Do you think the country is moving in the right direction or toward a French model of severe communism?

Hmmm…that’s a tough one. Will we get better food and a vacation the whole month of August?

Question 7: Do you think the record-setting bazillion dollar federal deficit the Obama-Chicago-Mafia-Communist-Nazi-Socialist-Kenyan-Zoroastrian-Baptist Administration is racking up for your grandchildren is going to be good or bad for the country?

Can I ask a question back? Okay, two questions…Didn’t President Bush leave office with the highest deficit ever? This is really an interesting census, this year.

Question 8: Don’t you really think it’s okay if your Republican National Committee leadership lets its collective hair down every once in a while and blows thousands of dollars at bondage sex clubs in Los Angeles? I mean, really, come on…boyz just gotta have fun? Right? What’s the harm?

Well, I’m not sure how this is going to help with redistricting and allocating federal dollars but…sure, I guess so, whatever.

Question 9: Now that Jenny McCarthy has split from Jim Carrey do you think she’ll call?

What the heck kind of Census is this?

Hey, wait a minute. Since when does the U.S. Census ask me for a credit card number and a donation of $25 to $500?

And who put Michael Steele in charge of the Census?

Do you really want to take on a President who can nail left-handed 3-pointers from the corner like that?

Taking on Ohio State roundball legend and CBS analyst Clark “Special K” Kellogg in a game of HORSE-turned-POTUS, the “Big O” showed a downtown range that would make Dukies envious.

You can’t leave the guy open in the corner, that’s for sure. And teabaggers, I’m talkin’ to you, Rush, Beck & the teabaggers. Plus, he’s left handed, knows how to spell and conjugate verbs, a particular sticking point with the wing nuts.

You see, spelling and grammar are not strong suits of the teabag crowd. A quick sampling of home-made signs at teabagger rallies includes some real gems (supplied by the Seattle Weekly).

“Obama Lier in Chief.” “Obama Commander in Theif.”

“Repeel Congress!”

“No Hussien Obama”

“I did’nt serve 22 years for socialism.”

“No Amensty.”

“Don’t take my rights. I’m still useing them.” (Dictionary, not so much.)

“No mas illegal alliens.”

Oh well, one doesn’t have to be literate to have political opinions in the good ol’ U.S. of A. One just has to have a permanent marker and some poster board.

One thing is for sure, though. The teabaggers don’t know what to do with the Republican Party and the Republican Party doesn’t know what to do with the teabaggers.

“ Lot of noise,” said one unnamed senior Republican consultant to the Washington Post. “No muscle.”

The teabaggers don’t…er, do’nt…even know what to do with themselves – other than be angry.

In Florida, they’re fighting against themselves. Some dude in Orlando registered the Tea Party as a new political party. But teabaggers resist, saying they don’t want to be party. And, now, they’re all suing each other. Somebody hit the snooze button!

And finally, GOP Chairman Michael Steele told George Stephanopoulos this morning he is not stepping down, no matter that his underlings took the GOP credit card to a bondage sex club in L.A.

Says he and POTUS get narrower margins of error because they are African-American. Wait…Steele is African-American?

But, hey, the good news is we can take a break from politics, between-the-legs pass of black men and spend the rest of the week talking about the Masters…and Tiger’s putter.

It’s Good Friday on the Christian calendar (except for the Greeks, of course) and the U.S. government officially celebrated the death of Christ by announcing the economy added over 160,000 jobs in March.

That and by rolling back airport security measures for people from countries where most people look kinda dark and swarthy, sorta like Jesus probably did.

But, hey, it’s Holy Week in a number of ways and the time of year when lots of religions celebrate something. Jews observed Passover this week (at which point the whole Easter thing started in the first place.) Muslims just celebrated the birth of the Prophet.

Buddhists celebrate every day and the Hindus are rolling around both Hanuman Jayanti and Baisahki. The Zoroastrians just celebrated Naw-Ruz and the Rastafarians celebrate every time a good crop comes in.

Each of these festivals was celebrated in traditional ways in the White House, this year; along with the Kenyan socialist holiday of Sean Hannity’s birthday.

The Fox Nation is celebrating Sarah Palin’s new show on the TeeVee Box, panned almost universally among anyone with any sense about what makes up good TeeVee.

“ Palin is disconnected from the show,” says the New York Daily News. “Having her follow the taped pieces with interviews gives the production the feel of a telethon, without the pitch for money.”

Surprising, really, that Glenn Beck didn’t object to the debut of the Sarah Palin Variety Hour on Maundy Thursday. Hmmm…must have slipped past him.

And just in time for Easter, the crazies who think its okay to end baby-killing by killing doctors almost had a new martyr of their own to celebrate.

Scott Roeder, convicted of killing Kansas City doctor George Tiller was sentenced to life in prison, eligible for parole in 50 years. He can get out when he’s 104.

Lots of murder cases get the death penalty. But not this one.

At his sentencing hearing, Roeder was defiant saying the blood of justice will sweep over the nation “like the prairie wind.” Whatever that means.

It’s been a tough week for the Republican Party, too. In a single week, the GOP has gone from the Party of No to the Party of No-Holds-Barred when it comes to kinky bondage-themed L.A. clubs and phone sex.

Finally – and in the spirit of what Easter is REALLY all about – a high school in Palo Alto, California – ironically called Gunn High School – decided to counter the hate laid at its doorstep with a rally to promote peace, tolerance and love.

Click here to read the story and watch the video: http://bit.ly/bhtYHe

(Thanks to @jeangfl on the TwitterMachine for the heads up.)

Peace.