Well, here we have another year rolling into the next year and the end of "The Auhts."

You know, we had "Auht One" a few years back, only one year after we thought the world would end on Y2K. It didn't, by the way, but nearly did following the so-called election of George W. Bush.

The fact that we've survived most of this decade and arrived at Auht-Nine rolling into 2010 is a wonder in and of itself!

This is not, for the record, the actual END of the decade. That will happen next year as we head into the 21st Century's "terrible teens."

Maybe we ought to call this decade the "Auhtna" decade, as in we did a whole bunch of dumb things we ought not have…auhtna done 'em.

But, hey, let's take a look back at the first century of the new millennium and see how dumb we got, the election of George W. Bush – not once but twice - having already been mentioned.

We know now, of course, the root of all our problems is the Sky People. Had they left us alone here on Pandora everything would have been fine. But no! They just had to try to suck all the Unobtainium right out of us!

We were just fine when the Auhts began. We were happy. Most folks were progressing. Our national treasury was filled and overflowing. We were at peace.

And then they Sky People imposed on us the guy Molly Ivins used to call, "shrub," and almost immediately our lovely moon started going to crap.

The Number Two dumbest move was invading not one but two other countries. This was simply not necessary.

Sure, something had to be done after 9-11 but had we pursued the criminals like criminals – with a smart police effort spearheaded by the FBI, the CIA and maybe some special forces – we might have rounded up the criminals, brought them to justice and showed the world how a mature society handles a vicious attack by a rogue band of thugs. But no, the Sky People prefer brute and overwhelming force which wins nothing in the end and only makes a bigger mess while enriching their buddies back home.

The Number Three dumbest move was completely ignoring the fact that our lovely moon is warming up, which is going to make it impossible – eventually – to remain here unless we find ways to stop pumping more carbon dioxide into the air than nature can process.

The Number Four dumbest move was letting the Sky People's finance ministers go crazy with money and start dividing it into fake bits and pieces, reselling it like it was play money. The money ended up disappearing – mostly into the pockets of the Sky People's finance ministers – and, now, none of the rest of us have any left.

The Number Five dumbest move of the Auhts is actually a tie.

Number Five-A dumbest move is letting the Miami Dolphins hire Nick Saban as head coach. Almost immediately after arriving at the fabled franchise he performed both a Number One and Number Two on the team and bolted for the University of Alabama.

Number Five-B dumbest move – and, frankly, this may actually deserve close to a Number One ranking – goes to Florida Gator Coach Urban Meyer for resigning and, then, taking it back. Ha-Ha, Gators, say goodbye to recruiting and national championships!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Let's all resolve to get a little smarter here on Pandora.

No sooner had I put the sleigh back in the barn, fed the reindeer and wrapped a little Brazilian bikini I picked up for the little woman, when the news came over the short-wave radio:

"Nigerian tried to set off leg bomb on flight from Amsterdam to Detroit!"

OMG, I thought, what's a leg bomb? I mean, I've seen legs that are da bomb but a leg bomb?

And, of course, my second thought was, "why in the world would anyone want to leave Amsterdam for Detroit?"

Turns out, this Nigerian dude wanted to blow up an airplane over American soil and do to so he strapped some powdered explosive to his leg.

Didn't he realize Detroit is BARELY on American soil? Setting off a bomb over Canadian soil just doesn't have quite the same headline-grabbing effect.

Turns out, this Nigerian dude is the son of a wealthy banker back in Lagos and had grown tired of studying in London and spending the summers on the Cote d' Azur.

And to make matters worse, another Nigerian dude made the mistake of getting really constipated on the same flight two days later, spending way too much time in the head (according to airline officials), and causing a major panic and police alert upon arriving in Detroit. Officials met the man with a case of Kaopectate.

Officials there were quick to question all passengers: "Why in the hell do you want to leave Amsterdam and fly to Detroit? Are you high?"

TSA officials were also quick to follow up with increased screening procedures. Just as they ordered everyone to remove shoes following the infamous shoe-bomber attack airport screeners are now ordering everyone to remove pants during the screening process.

Okay, not really.

But the incident has – predictably – set off a firestorm of political posturing in Washington, our nation's terror capital.

GOPers were quick to blame the Obama Administration for the Nigerian's decision to leave to fly to Detroit, citing a connection to Motown recording successes of the 60s. They also noted Nigeria's location on the same continent as Kenya.

To be fair, officials of the Grinch Over Progress gang were just as critical of the Bush Administration for ignoring terror warnings prior to 9-11.

The GOP had some additional Christmas fun criticizing the President for paying too much attention to health care reform in the Senate, climate change talks in Copenhagen, jobs in America and immigration reform and not enough attention to Christmas ornaments placed on the White House tannenbaum.

Seems three ornaments displayed the images - in no certain order - of Mt. Rushmore with Obama's face replacing T.R., former Chinese leader Mao Tse-Tung and famous drag queen Hedda Lettuce.

The connections between these three figures and how they came to be represented on Christmas tree ornaments has not been made clear. But White House officials now suspect an Amsterdam link.

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
…a lump of coal to look like health reform.

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
…two more wars.

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
…three cut deals.

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
…foreclosed homes.

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
…FIVE WTFs?!?!?!

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
…six big sex scandals.

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
…seven globes a-warming.

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
…eight pundits parsing.

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
…nine Limbaughs lying.

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
…ten Becks a-wailing.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
…eleven K-street payoffs.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
…twelve Teabaggers whining;
…eleven K-Street payoffs;
…ten Becks a-wailing;
…nine Limbaughs lying;
…eight pundits parsing;
…seven globes a-warming;
…six big sex scandals;
…FIVE WTFs?
…foreclosed homes;
…three cut deals;
…two more wars;
…and a LUMP OF COAL TO LOOK LIKE HEALTH REFORM!

Whoop-di-freakin'-do!

The U.S. Senate managed early this morning to get 60 votes to cut off GOP delays and conduct a procedural vote to move along health care reform legislation.

We are thrilled.

Senators are now poised – maybe – to make all Americans think they are Santa Claus and deliver a final vote on health care reform on Christmas Eve.

Of course they want everyone to know they did this working through the night despite a howling D.C. blizzard – all for the God blessed American people.

Hundreds of thousands of people – particular up and down the Eastern Seaboard – have no idea of this Herculean Senatorial action because they have no electricity and are struggling to just stay warm and eat amid the massive snow storm.

Maybe electricity – and warmth – is kinda like health care. One tends to take it for granted until it's suddenly not there. Only then one realizes its importance.

One of our nation's founding father, Ben Franklin, knew a little something about electricity. He also knew a little something about health care. (Little known fact: Franklin was the first to recognize the dangers of lead poisoning and advocated ventilating houses as a partial remedy.)

Franklin did not, of course, foresee the common, everyday reliance on electricity. That would have to wait until Thomas Edison. Neither did Franklin nor any other Founding Fathers envision health care as an essential part of American life…nor, for that matter, universal suffrage, civil rights, war just for the hell of it, or many other aspects considered important in 21st Century America.

But just as we can no longer function without electricity today, neither can we expect to advance much as a society without adequate health care.

The bill currently proceeding forward in the Senate does not include a public option health care plan, as does the bill adopted by the House of Representatives.

It will – allegedly – provide insurance benefits to more that 30 million people currently uninsured. But it will do so by requiring nearly everyone to purchase health insurance – a boon to insurance companies. It will grant some federal subsidies to help pay for those mandated plans.

Close to half of those 30 million would get coverage through expansion of Medicaid and the Children's Health Insurance Program.

People earning over $200,000 and year (couples earning more than $250,000) would pay an excise tax on "Cadillac" plans they buy to help pay for the expansion.

The Congressional Budget Office says the $871 billion bill will actually reduce the federal budget deficit by $132 billion between 2010 and 2019.

Electricity seems easy when it's working right. It may not be a fundamental right but we sure can't live very well these days without it.

Congressional leaders living in the dark and cold ought to warm up to the fact that millions of Americans need health care as fundamentally as they need electricity.

Ha-Ha-Ha! Those crazy lunkheads up in the You-Nited States Senate have done gone and dood it again: completely and maybe irreparably screwed up a really decent and honest way to help the 'Murkin people.

One just never knows what those crazy kids will come up with next!

Here's a good one: when is a Senate filibuster not a Senate filibuster? Answer: when it's a filibuster staged with the threat of not ending a filibuster or causing one!

Ha-Ha-Ha! That's a good one. Got it? Yea, right, we didn't think so. Because NO ONE gets it.

Here, see, we have one Senator – Sen. Joe Lieberman, to be precise, from the great state of Continued Insurance Company Largess – who has in a single Herculean effort completely scuttled any attempt to reform health care – held the entire nation hostage and forced his colleagues to bend to his will.

A lot of people are blaming Lieberman for the demise of any meaningful health care reform coming from the Senate.

But that may be unfair. Folks should really blame the entire Democratic Caucus in the Senate and the President for allowing that douche bag to get away with it. Thank you, sir, may I have another!

Whatever happened to the phrase, "sit down, Joe, and shut up"?

A quick recap: it looked only last week like the You-Nited States Senate might have reached a compromise health care reform bill, the compromise part of which would have offered 'Murkins age 55 to 65 to buy into Medicare as a health insurance option.

Everyone seemed to be going along with that notion until the insurance companies called on their old pal, Lieberman, who like a good puppet staged a pretty good non-filibuster-filibuster and forced Democratic Leader Harry Reid, voted by his high school senior class the Most Likely to Grow Up and Become a Jellyfish, to withdraw the whole deal.

And this from the senator who 14 years ago was all against the filibuster and even introduced a bill to reform the rules of the Senate to kill it. Oh well, that was then. This is now. The potential exists for Lieberman's favorite cow to be gored and, by golly, he needs to protect that utter.

We're now left with a Senate health care reform bill that will force uninsured people to buy expensive plans offered by the health insurance companies. Great plan! Just what the health insurance industry means when it talks of health insurance reform.

And don't forget this little note: While everyone was focused on Lieberman, the Senate also rejected an amendment to the health care bill that would have allowed the import of cheaper generic drugs from Canada. This way, you see, 'Murkins will still be forced to pay more for drugs than they would with an open market.

It's looking today like the only hope remaining for any real health care reform will have to come from the conference of Senators and House members who will meet to work out differences in the two chambers' bills.

No, don't blame Lieberman alone. He can't help it. He depends on the insurance industry for nearly a million dollars in contributions each election cycle. He pretty much has to do what they tell him.

In fact, nearly all the Senators have to do pretty much what 'Murka's corporate interests tell them to do. Otherwise, they'll be out of a job.

Hey, wait a minute…that might not be such a bad idea.