So here comes the new U.S. Senator from Massachusetts, Downtown Scotty Brown-All-Around, the naked pin-up salon, says his fondest wish now in his new-found celebrity is to go cycling with Lance Armstrong.

“I would love to go on a bike ride with Lance Armstrong, just for those few hours, just like to say hi, just to like hug him,” Brown told the New York Times.

Brown, who will put his naked butt in the same seat occupied by Ted Kennedy in the world's most exclusive club, is also a triathlete and all cyclists and triathletes want to go bike riding with Lance. Sure, who wouldn't?

But Brown, who posed naked for Cosmo back in the crazy 80s and tried to sell his daughters on election night, was unclear if the bike ride and hug with Armstrong would be clothed or nekkid. Either way, it kinda sounds as if given the chance he might be found sitting tall in the saddle.

And speaking of tools, what about Twerpy McNerdbugger, aka James O'Keefe, the right-wing video sleuth who was caught in New Orleans dressed as a TeeVee repairman and charged with trying to bug the offices of Senator Mary Landrieu? NawlinsGate.

You remember O'Keefe for his pornesque video in which he claimed ACORN was responsible for the crucifixion of the Christ. He was heralded as a hero by the wingers.

After his arrest and release on bail a U.S. magistrate judge ordered him to live with his parents until his trial. He'll have plenty of time to play World of Warcraft online with all his red state buddies.

SOTU follow-up: What exactly did Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito mouth back at the President Wednesday night during the State of the Union address?

While lip-readers were in short supply, all on my staff having been sent to the palm-reader for the evening, most agree Alito mouthed, “not true,” to the president as he called out SCOTUS for its outrageous ruling last week that corporations are people, too.

We have it on good authority, however, that what Alito really said was, “kiss my white ass.” Or, more specifically, “kiss my white hunky ass.”

“With all due deference to the separation of powers,” said POTUS in the SOTU. “Last week, the Supreme Court reversed a century of law to open to the floodgates for special interests – including foreign corporations – to spend without limit in our elections.”

“Kiss my white hunky ass,” mouthed Alito, from the second row, only feet from the President.

“Well I don't think American elections should be bankrolled by America's most powerful interests, or worse, by foreign entities. They should be decided by the American people and that's why I'm urging Democrats and Republicans to pass a bill that helps right this wrong.”

At that, Alito's face grew grim and red.

“Oh, yea?” he mouthed. “Want to take it outside? You and me, you scrawny little upstart. I'll bring Goldman Sachs, GE and Bank of America and we'll make you cry like a girl.

“And besides,” he continued to mouth. “We don't care what the American people think or the Constitution says. This court decided the 2000 election and, by golly, we'll decided 2012 if we have to.”

The State of Union Address we WISH we would hear tonight:

“Madam Speaker, Vice-President Biden, Members of Congress, Distinguished Guests, fellow citizens:

“My name is Barack Hussein Obama and I am President of the United States. Get over it!

“And let me say, first, if any y'all want to holler back at me during this speech, you go right ahead…show your ass because I'll come down there and loft it from beyond the three-point arc and leave your butt hangin' in the net. Got that?

“I've been in office just over a year and I've tried to be a nice guy; tried to work with Republicans and Democrats alike; tried to listen to your concerns and tried to incorporate some of your ideas…as bad and pitiful as they are…into the very serious issues and problems facing our nation.

“Y'all don't seem to care about that. You just want to grand stand and pontificate, obfuscate and obstruct.

“You've done your best to turn the Audacity of Hope into the Audacity of Nope and I've had it with you nattering negative nabob nincompoops.

“To our GOP members…and I use that term pointedly…you sat around and gave George Bush and Dick Cheney everything they wanted for 8 years and look where it got us: the worst shape this country has been in since the 1930s. Y'all need to sit down and shut up if you're not going to be constructive.

“To members of my own party, looky here, do the math. We're in charge of this Congress folks. We have majorities in both houses! Act like it, for God's sake!

“The people of this great land voted us in because they wanted change. Grow a pair and give them the change they want.

“First thing: pass healthcare reform, dammit! I mean, really, what are y'all waiting for? Over 70 percent of the American people want this change give it to ‘em!

“If you don't pass healthcare reform next week, I will sign an executive order expanding Medicare to everyone in the United States! How do you like THAT? We will simply give everyone health care and you morons can work yourselves all up into a froth trying to figure out how to undo it. That'll look good as you're campaigning for re-election.

“Second, pass a jobs bill…get people working again. Rebuild this country, its infrastructure, its power grid; build a new Internet infrastructure that will bring genuine 3-G broadband to everyone.

“Third, take down these arrogant and greedy bankers on Wall Street. Regulate them to within an inch of their financial futures. Bring back Glass-Steagall. If you don't I will and leave you to defend them and their practices.

“How do like THAT, GOP? Want to go into the 2010 elections saying you like greedy Wall Street and that big bad Obama wants to hurt them? Go ahead; let me know how that works out for you.

“Fourth, pass climate change laws that will immediately reduce our carbon output. I can't help it if everyone at Copenhagen woosed out on saving the planet. We are the world's biggest contributor to CO2 and we need to cut it out and, then, we'll make the Chinese and Indians cut it out.

“In short, I expect you, members of Congress, to be bold, be brave, act like leaders and lead; help the American people for once in your lives!

“This is not about politics. This about digging our nation out of this terrible hole and if you'll grow a spine we can do this.

“Yes we can!”